So, I was going to post this on facebook, but then I thought better of it. A few of these things I'd like to say to people gets personal, & whatever-- I'm just avoiding any potential drama that could ensue.

Anywhoo, yeah. Enjoy, I suppose.

__________________________________________________________________________________________________

Ten Things I Wish I Could Say to Ten Different People.

10. It’s been a couple years now.  I’ve forgiven you, but I haven’t forgotten all the nights I used to lie awake & think that you were the only one who could ever like me the way I am. I don’t resent you. On the contrary—I’d like to thank you. Not because the way you made me feel about myself was ever justifiable, but because I am a stronger person because of it.

9. You are one of the funniest, most intelligent people I know & it kills me to hear that you’re having a rough time dealing with the ignorance that’s commonplace in the hallways of KHS. But know that I love you with all my heart. Don’t you ever change.  

8. I call you my “cool roommate” when I talk about you to my friends, too. It’s been awesome living with you & getting to know you. I love that we have so much in common, that I can rant to you about how awesome Death Cab is, & that we get along so well.

7. When you asked me in front of all of those people why I’m choosing to major in social work, I was dumbfounded—I couldn’t believe that you’d actually question my drive to help others just because it can get “depressing.” Here’s what I should’ve said to you, in the middle of that quiet classroom, with all your students’ eyes on you: “I want to help others because people like you never will. People like you chose to ignore everything negative, but just because you ignore the sorrow and pain and misery in this world, doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.”

6. Your friendship means the world to me. I love your compassion, loyalty, & the fact that we have so many things in common. I don’t know where I’d be without my soulmate.

5. I love you to death, but you’re driving me crazy. I’ve tried to be a good friend to you for so long with little in return. I don’t know how much longer I can keep doing this.

4. Sometimes when I’m having a bad day here, I get so homesick because I think of the both of you. & on days like these, all I want to do is sit on the kitchen counter, watch you cook, & talk about the days we’ve been having. I admire you both more than you could ever know. I love you & miss you.  

3.  You never fail to brighten up my day, & I just want to thank you for that.  

2.  I never wanted things to be awkward between us & I never wanted for us not to talk. I wish things were different between us, & I have a sneaking suspicion you do too. But you won’t let me forget that I’m not perfect. Well, guess what—you’re not either.

1.  Every time I hear the song “Use Somebody” by the Kings of Leon, I think of you. I’d love to tell you this in person, & maybe I will. Someday.

Nine things about myself.

9. I save the fortunes from fortune cookies.

8. I enjoy obscure music & movies.

7. I’m not great at it by any means, but I love playing the clarinet.

6. I write quite a bit, but the only things I’m ever happy with are poems/stories I’ve written when I’ve been mad or depressed.

5. I part my hair on the side to de-emphasize my gigantic French nose.

4. I hate math with a passion.

3. I could live on nothing but olives. I don’t care if you think they’re gross, I find them absolutely delicious.

2. I always make wishes on stars & eyelashes.

1. I absolutely love acoustic versions of songs.

Eight ways to win my heart.

8. Appreciate music/films/art/poetry/literature/philosophy & discuss it with me.

7. Make me laugh & have a good sense of humor.

6. Be respectful not just of me, but of women in general.

5. Stargaze with me.

4. Be your own person.

3. Care about someone or something other than yourself.

2. Truly listen to what I have to say & take it to heart. Also, don’t interrupt me.

1. Be independent & have direction.

Seven things that cross my mind a lot.
7. School & grades.

6. Music… whatever random song’s in my head.

5. Conversations I’ve had.

4. My friends

3. My family

2. My past

1. My future

Six things I do before I fall asleep
6. Check my e-mail

5. Change into something comfy.

4. Take out my books for my classes the next day.

3. Shut down my laptop.

2. Brush my teeth.

1. Toss my extra pillows on the floor.

Five people who mean a lot.

5. Alex

4. Jack

3. Mom

2. Dad

1. I can’t think of one more single person, so I’m going to cheat & say all of my closest & awesomest friends. You know who you are.

Four things you're wearing right now.

4. T-shirt

3. Tank-top

2. Socks

1. Jeans

Three songs that you listen to often.

3. Death Cab for Cutie- Your New Twin Sized Bed

2. Band of Horses- Is There a Ghost

1. Locks- Dear Linda

Two things you want to do before you die.

2. Travel & see the northern lights.

1. Write a book.

One confession.

So, this is gonna be another music related entry. But just bear with me.

I got tagged in this facebook note where I’m supposed to list 15 albums that completely & totally changed my life. & much to my dismay, it was waaayyy harder to complete than I thought it would be. There are literally hundreds of individual songs that have altered my perception of reality, or have offered words of wisdom when I needed them most. But entire albums are a totally different story.  I think I’m like most people in that I go through phases—a few weeks ago, I couldn’t tell you how many times I listened to one of Coldplay’s best, yet most underrated album, “Parachutes.” But I don’t think it really belongs in the “life-changing” category. I guess I just have very specific criteria. I mean, for a piece of music to be life-changing it has to offer solace, understanding, optimism, or whatever you happen to need at that particular moment. It has to become more than just a song; it has to become a part of you.

Or maybe I’m analyzing this far too much. But this is what I came up with, in no particular order:

1.       Death Cab for Cutie- Plans

2.       Sufjan Stevens- Come On Feel The Illinoise!

3.       Glen Hansard & Market Irglova- Once

4.       Sigur Ros- ( )

5.       Longwave- The Strangest Things

6.       Rusted Root- When I Woke

7.       Straylight Run- Straylight Run

8.       The Postal Service- Give Up

9.       Radiohead- Pablo Honey

10.   Death Cab For Cutie- Transatlanticism

11.   The White Stripes- Elephant

12.   Margot & the Nuclear So and So’s- The Dust of Retreat

13.   Benjamin Gibbard/Andrew Kenny- Home, Vol. 5

14.   R.E.M.- Out of Time

15.   Jeff Buckley- Grace

I started thinking of the first time I’d heard some of these albums. I can tell you exactly where I was the first time I heard Death Cab for Cutie’s “Transatlanticism” (on a bus, on the way to a parade my senior year of high school), Jeff Buckley’s “Hallelujah” (home alone in my room), or Straylight Run’s “Existentialism on Prom Night” (in my car somewhere between Kankakee & Orland Park).  Conversely, some of these albums have become so instilled in the person I am today that I can’t remember my life without them—I don’t remember hearing them for the first time because I grew up with them.  I’ve always seemed to know R.E.M.’s “Losing My Religion” and Radiohead’s “Creep.”

I don’t know.  Music is a very subjective thing.  I understand that not everyone feels the same way about the albums I’ve listed.  But I don’t care.  Because each of these albums means something much more to me than simply a song with a cool bass line or guitar riff.  They’ve been the mumbling in my head, my mantra, the helpful advice, the funny anecdote, my reassurance.